I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Randomize
