Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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