I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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