you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
