Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
