I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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