whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
