We're facebook friends in real life
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
