Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I need to align my fucking chakras
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