I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
