I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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