I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
