I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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