my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Randomize
