Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
