my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
