I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
