and she was petting her beer can
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
