i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Randomize