Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
