I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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