Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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