New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
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