Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
