I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Randomize
