I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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