i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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