Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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