i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
where are my eyebrows?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
