she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize