my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
