I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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