Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Randomize
