dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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