I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
