So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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