I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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