just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
