and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
