You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
we should paint friendship bongs
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
