what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
