maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Randomize
