Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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