Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
She told me I should be a condom model.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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