dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
