Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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