By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize