Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
