giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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