If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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