She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
