I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
