it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I'm just crazy horny about you
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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