come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
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