May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Randomize
