Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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