This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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