I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize