But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
