No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
