Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
