Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
