I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
