Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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