I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
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